I don’t read fiction books, and anyone who reads this blog, can attest that I am not a great writer either, but here is my first attempt at fiction. The conversations and meeting transcripts below take place in the mythical land of Securitavia between their leader, Supreme Overlord Goober, and General Really, his most senior advisor. Securitavia has just suffered a widespread grape attack from their neighbor to the East, where they were viciously pelted with grapes thrown over the 3-foot picket fence that separates Securitavia and their neighbor. SO Goober wants actions and answers and has called General Really to his office.
May 3
SOG – These grape attacks can never happen again, we must do something about it and quick.
GR – I would suggest strengthening our defenses and intelligence to combat these fruit attacks
SOG – I like the intelligence idea, after all we are going to need someone to blame if this happens again. What I really think we need is a grape embargo, and some anti-grape defenses. Grapes are small and light, so I think a 10 foot lace curtain should be plenty
GR – Sir, I beg to differ, but what if they change their tactics? I mean we shouldn’t base our defenses on their current tactics, but instead attempt to reduce our threats to a wider range of attacks.
SOG – Nonsense, get me some anti-grape technology, and let’s really focus on that one item.
June 1st
Securitavia’s neighbors to the East are now using straws to spit pomegranate seeds through the holes in the lace curtain, erected previously, and the anti-grape shield that was installed has been little help in the defense of this new strategy. The banning of grapes within the area has also left the innocent, non-grape throwing people, with no grapes to eat. Our story picks up again in the offices of Supreme Overlord Goober and General Really
SOG – how could this have happened?
GR – Well Sir we, only protected ourselves against a grape attack
SOG – Who’s dumb idea was that?
GR – I wonder
SOG – well what should we do now?
GR – I would suggest we increase our intelligence budget, spend more money on recovering from these attacks, and look at our defenses across the board including processes for fruit management, and near picket fence access procedures.
SOG – Couldn’t we just blame the intelligence agency?
GR – Sir, I really don’t think that will help
SOG – Nonsense, blame them and let’s ban pomegranates and straws in the entire region.
July 5th
Securitavia has suffered another attack, this time by a Securitiavian citizen that attacked an 18-wheeler full of pigs with a homemade watermelon cannon. SO Goober is surprised how this could have happened. The Neighbors to the East were all on the no grape and pomegranate list. Once again he calls General Really to his headquarters.
SOG – We need more money for protection against pig transports immediately. I love my ribs and bacon, and by God no one is going to jeopardize that.
GR – Sir, we simply can’t protect everything, but we can get more police on the streets to patrol, and reduce our risks somewhat. We also need to pay attention to first responders for any type of emergency – not just your dinner.
SOG – No that doesn’t sound right
GR – Really?
SOG – What we need are armed guards on all of the pig transport trucks to guard against this type of thing
Frustrated by the senseless spending and ridiculous measures that offer no security, but instead place costs and burdens on the majority of non-fruit throwing people of Securitavia, General Really takes a job in the private sector – where the same conversations happen. Supreme Overlord Goober eventually retired, got chubby and moved to Miami, leaving the security concerns of Securitavia to his successor.
